I am so happy my girls are home after spending the weekend with their daddy. Oh how I missed them!! For some reason this weekend was really hard for me to have them gone. I'm not sure why. I think part of it has to do with the fact my sweet Riley is turning 5 this week and it made me reflect on the last 5 years, plus this is the first birthday since the divorce. I think it's actually harder for me than Christmas was. I feel like I failed my daughter and that's hard. I know that I wasn't the best wife in the world but honestly who is? Every human has flaws but that's why in our vows we say for better or worse. I really truly meant it, unfortunately my ex didn't. That brings me to my next thought. I am starting to realize that I lived in a fantasy land. I don't know that I was really happy in my marriage but tried to convince myself it was the stress of kids, work, etc and that if we just spent more time together it'd be ok. I thought my love would hold us together. Thought that because I was happy he'd be happy. Was I really happy though? I don't know. I know I can't go back and change the past but only learn from it which in the long run will help my future relationships. I desire to be in a loving relationship built of respect, trust, faithfulness and love. I am trying to trust that in Gods time he will provide that.
Tonight when my kids came home they were sharing all their stories of the weekend. They had such a great time and for that I am so grateful. But... They shared that they had a sleepover at their aunts house which included daddy and his gf. Honestly I am so mad. That is a point that my ex and I agreed upon and it is written into our decree that there are not to be overnight guests of the opposite sex. I understand it wasn't at his house but my kids slept with their aunt while daddy and his gf shared another room. Can you see the smoke coming out of my ears as I type this?! This is a battle I choose to pick with my ex. We will see how it goes. I'm praying for guidance and strength on this one.
Completely random- I think I'm so over the show Bachelor. Seriously these people have known each how many weeks and they are ready to commit their lives together? How can they even think they are in love? It's not even like they've spent the few weeks that they've known each other one on one. I think that's partly what's wrong with relationships these days. It's all a whirlwind and it's lust not love. Can you seriously even know someone enough in just a few weeks to be in love with them??
Enough of my ramblings. I feel better :)
Can i just say again how happy I am that these two are home!
I saw your blog on Kelly's Korner last week. I am also a single mom and have gone through the exact same thing you have with my ex's gf, which is now his wife, but he liked to push for her to stay the night with the kids when they would go to his parents house on weekends, etc...I say good for you, stand your ground on this, it's not good for the kids to spend the night with someone that dad isn't married to yet, just not healthy...so you picked the right battle...I'll be praying for you, I know exactly how you feel! If you ever need someone to vent to please let me know, I have been divorced for almost 3 years and although things are moving a long in my life, it's still hard, a daily struggle! I just know how you feel! Hang in there!! Hope the birthday week goes well! Here is my blog: www.aubreerianbrody.blogspot.com
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